Goodbye blogger. It was nice.

Vacation!

We flew out of John Wayne Airport this morning at 7:40! It was so hard waking up. About 4 hours to Newark, NJ. 3 hour layover, then a 1 hour flight to Albany, New York. Finally a 45 minute drive to Hoosick Falls. Arriving at 9:45 didn't really allow for a great view of the town, I can't wait to really explore it & look around with Matt. Tomorrow morning we are taking a train to the city. Yeah, NEW YORK CITY. I know its going to be great. 2 nights in the city, then back to explore Hoosick Falls. I love that I'm doing all of this with my fiance.

This wedding planning is a lot of work. HELP!

Love

I can't seem to find just one good way to deal with my insecurities. I dwell so much in those things that only hurt me but shouldn't. I have a great man who loves me so much but I find it so hard to let things go. I know I am past the point in my life where I'm allowed to use the same excuse over & over again. I've stopped blaming the fact that I had my heart broken by someone else. So for the sake of taking responsibility for my behavior I blame all insecurities on myself. I'm the one who seeks out those off sets of my behaviors. I push the limits with my thoughts & assumptions. I need to change that. This isn't about whether or not there is trust in my relationship with Matt, it's about how  I believe in us & who we are together. Because that is all that matters. Not all of our trifling past. I believe that one way I will exercise my goal is to show my appreciation more often, of all the things he does & says. That's love.

Hey hey hey hey, hey ladies!

Today I really grasped the necessary steps to defeating my unhealthy thoughts towards a specific person in my life. I really sought out guidance from my closest lady friends. Unfortunately this topic was not one I was ready to share with Matt. Aside from that I believe in holding close the importance & essentials of my female friendships. I was really inspired & encouraged by them all. I am very thankful to have friends that I can really count on for help when I've hit a fork in the road or just a bump. My best friend Janine is very wise. I admire her for holding close to love & respect. I've learned a lot from her. I have given her my full trust & have complete confidence that she speaks from her heart. So today when I came to her with my thoughts I did not feel ashamed or embarrassed. I felt safe & encouraged to do what I believe is right. Who can ask for better friends than the ones I have. You ladies all show me love in a billion different ways & I am so thankful that you are there for me while I am defeating my cynicism. 

Then & Now

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've written in my blog until I saw my last entry was dated a month ago. Time is flying & I'm fifty fifty about it. I'm half excited about the things I am moving forward towards (i.e. weekends, NY, Hawaii, our WEDDING!) ... & I'm half disappointed & sad about the things that are being left undone & unsaid. It seems like I always have so much on my mind & I rarely talk about it. (but I do, it just seems like I don't) I've grown embarrassed of most of what I think about & grown afraid of peoples' reactions. My aspiration is to stop dwelling in what can no longer be changed & refashion the way I feel towards different situations & also concentrate on my future with Matt. (weekends, NY, Hawaii, our WEDDING)

Progress!

Today was the kick off for our July training at work. I'm really looking forward to it because it is suppose to be a real in depth look at our company & the work we do. I've been there for about 2 months, yet I feel like a part of a family. I am very thankful for bosses who are so encouraging & supportive. They are constantly pushing me forward & seeing a potential in me I sometimes don't see myself. There has been such amazing progress in my cases & I feel very proud of my natural abilities & skills to work with these amazing children. (other exciting news is that I will be taking on my 4th case next week!) It takes a lot of patience & passion to do this every day, & I don't think I could do it without the support of all these people. Matt has also been really supportive since I started with the company. I like that he always asks how my sessions went even if he doesn't always understand my excitement about a client showing progress. (for example a client independently asked for a "book" the other day, & it made me SO excited! To some that doesn't seem like a huge accomplishment, but in my field that's something to celebrate about) Matt's support encourages me to suck it up when I am brought through negative experiences with the job i.e. the constantly changing schedules & the financial sacrifices. & for that I love him more.


I want to share an email that was sent out by all the supervisors to all the staff yesterday, It made me so happy &  fired me up!


"I've been so impressed since the first day she walked in the door and joined us for role play.  I continue to be impressed with her on the case with C***.  Beatriz is very personable and compassionate.  She is creative and patient.  What's more, Beatriz will "feel the fear and do it anyway" and doesn't run from a challenge.  I like how she seizes an opportunity to push C*** to the next level, but in a thoughtful way.  He's making a lot of great progress!  Thanks Beatriz!!" 




I'll leave you with this:
"If you see your work as only a job, then it's dragging you away from what you really want to be doing. If you see it as a calling, then it is no longer a toiling sacrifice. Instead, it becomes an expression of you, a part of you."