This wedding planning is a lot of work. HELP!

Love

I can't seem to find just one good way to deal with my insecurities. I dwell so much in those things that only hurt me but shouldn't. I have a great man who loves me so much but I find it so hard to let things go. I know I am past the point in my life where I'm allowed to use the same excuse over & over again. I've stopped blaming the fact that I had my heart broken by someone else. So for the sake of taking responsibility for my behavior I blame all insecurities on myself. I'm the one who seeks out those off sets of my behaviors. I push the limits with my thoughts & assumptions. I need to change that. This isn't about whether or not there is trust in my relationship with Matt, it's about how  I believe in us & who we are together. Because that is all that matters. Not all of our trifling past. I believe that one way I will exercise my goal is to show my appreciation more often, of all the things he does & says. That's love.

Hey hey hey hey, hey ladies!

Today I really grasped the necessary steps to defeating my unhealthy thoughts towards a specific person in my life. I really sought out guidance from my closest lady friends. Unfortunately this topic was not one I was ready to share with Matt. Aside from that I believe in holding close the importance & essentials of my female friendships. I was really inspired & encouraged by them all. I am very thankful to have friends that I can really count on for help when I've hit a fork in the road or just a bump. My best friend Janine is very wise. I admire her for holding close to love & respect. I've learned a lot from her. I have given her my full trust & have complete confidence that she speaks from her heart. So today when I came to her with my thoughts I did not feel ashamed or embarrassed. I felt safe & encouraged to do what I believe is right. Who can ask for better friends than the ones I have. You ladies all show me love in a billion different ways & I am so thankful that you are there for me while I am defeating my cynicism. 

Then & Now

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've written in my blog until I saw my last entry was dated a month ago. Time is flying & I'm fifty fifty about it. I'm half excited about the things I am moving forward towards (i.e. weekends, NY, Hawaii, our WEDDING!) ... & I'm half disappointed & sad about the things that are being left undone & unsaid. It seems like I always have so much on my mind & I rarely talk about it. (but I do, it just seems like I don't) I've grown embarrassed of most of what I think about & grown afraid of peoples' reactions. My aspiration is to stop dwelling in what can no longer be changed & refashion the way I feel towards different situations & also concentrate on my future with Matt. (weekends, NY, Hawaii, our WEDDING)